time magazine

(i can hear pounding hearts of expectations and jovial shrieks upon clicking on my page and finding a new post after waiting and cursing impatiently for oh-so long. haha)

ey ive abandoned this thing for so long it took me forever to log in. i should be punished for smearing dirt on my own bogus shrine.

so ive nothin particular to write about. i couldnt even find words on this keyboard no mo!! demmit. skills if u dont hone them well they become cows. im metaphoriccally serious, man.

ok.so. yesterday we went to kick around some balls. futsal i mean. kalah teruk last minute sial.huh we need a strategies and killer finishing touch.yes thats what we need. uhuh.

ok been tryin to catch up on other bloggers. too much been happenin.i only manage to check on alia's page. log in myspace and friendster, and boy do i need new pictures. been trying to log in this photobucket thingie but keep getting blocked. that thing can smell desperation i tell u, and under the hobby column in its autobiography is enjoy turning people down. pukimak. i should start carrying around camera in my handbag. but first like all amatuer i need to a get a camera first heheh. baby u hear that?

so im babbling here. time is of the essence.

and oh pukimak is my new favourite word. its a sacred thing. its the door to this faboulous world.
and get this, no cover charge.

Don Corleone.

i was just lazyin' around when i get to thinkin,

i, ainnur rahela abdul rahim, have got sooooooo much to learn.

where do i start, where do i finish?
will everything even fit?
wtf would i do with it?
when do i decide,
that ive seen enough?
is there good is there evil.
most importantly,
at the end of the day,
why should i believe what ive learned, anyway?

and this has got nothin to do with the exam ever. dont get me started on that.

hmmm.

i have a dilemma.

my name. the one that i tolerate with. i mean stuck with. yeah that one. well. how do i spell it, for god's sake?

1. not
2. knot
3. naught
4. nod
5. nodd
6. nottiedahottie

if u asked me i'd say no. 6. :p

(stop spelling my name however u want, u guys! demmit. decide one. whichever one.)

hmmm.

i have a (new) dilemma.

raya is on the 24th..
exam, on the next 7th..
REGENER4TE on the 28th!!

smack dab in the middle.
haha.
another question with obvious solution.

shall we crucify 'technicalities' to make way for 5 hours of earthly pleasure (boogie-ing) ?

ashrup, mi amor, what will it be?


ps : i personally love whoever's reading this. I Love You and selamat hari raya to you.

The Box On The Table.

i dont have much of family moments. i have to say my immediate family doesnt own that much of bonding like other families. but still i love them dearly.

but this particular situation really caught my intention. it will be my most memorable.

i go to kgbaru, where most of my dad's family lives, regularly. just to meet my grandma or to hang out with my brother and cousins. and oh yeah, to meet my dad as well.

this particular day, i was sittin in the livin room. with my aunt n granma. we were discussin bout our family's company. for some reason my aunt keep comin to me n tellin me the problems. like i know shit about managing a company. most of the time i just nodded every now n then. all i know is that we need to come up with some money fast to pay the 2 mil debt to the bank. and that, ambank correspondent r some of the rudest in this country.

kembali kpd cerita. it was a heated discussion, we (they) were having. everyone's got a frown on the face. so, my 70-year old granma reach inside her purse and came up with a box of Dunhill 20. light it up, smoked it. put the box down on the table.

my aunt. took the same Dunhill. she dint have a lighter. she went to my grandma, bent a lil', n my granma light the cigrete up for her. oh.cool~

my brother walked in. nenek, nak rokok. he took one. light one. from the box on the table. n joined us. he took the remotes n flipped some channels.

my other aunt. n her husband walked in . from the office. carrying a bunch of serious lookin documents. the frowns intensified. the smoke multiplied. they too, reach for the box on the table. n light one each.

the heated discussion continued.

5 adults. one adolescent (fine, early adult). one livin room. plenty of nicotined-filled lungs. haha.

the box on the table. it brought everyone together. (cue : aahhhhh~~)

i contemplated on reaching one for myself. but oh no. my respect to all. bsides, smart people dont smoke. n to them, i am smart. sumhow my (false) reputation is still intact.

oh. n ive been lighting up cigarettes for my mom since, tak ingat. forever. the first puff has almost always been mine.

so if anyone asked me y do i smoke, i'd say im upholding a family tradition. i aint wana be the black goat who breaks it, wont i?

:p

Rome.

im lovin this blog thingie. its like a mosque to sleep in. and a cat to kick about. just that this mosque doesnt acquire u to take of your shoe n this cat doesnt scratch n bite u back.

first time i heard about a blog i concluded that it was for losers. heheh.

i just wish i can put everything out here. but like everything else in malaysia, censorship is adamant. besides, my conscience (damn u), for so long, has advised me to be discreet. but not on everything. oh god no. my circumspection is limited, trust me. my age of maturity is still in its embryo form.

so.
ini adalah senarai perkara yg tidak (berape) aku selesa bersame..(tetibe je)

monkeys-
lift that stops before my floor. i wana smooth ride up-
smoothies. haha-
biawak besar di burhan-
goddamn coward-
shabir doubting me. i aint miss world 4 cryin out loud-
short gfrens. they make me feel like a monster-
my voice. haih-
my dad-
my mom's new husband-
a stuckup cow-
more than a month celibacy---

err .hmm. im finding it hard to list things i dont like. so ill stop.

ps: i wish im at home right now, playin the new final fantasy . or standing in front of the Pantheon and vatican city in rome with nadia. dammit.

Westmoreland.

so. listen. this is me in monotonous.
suicide. committing it. attempting it. contemplating it. i think they all bore different purposes.

so what is the best way to die? by deciding how yourself. sparing u the element of surprise. in miami vice, at the beginning of the movie, this guy juz takes a step forward in a busy highway n --splattt-- gets hit by a huge ass truck. cool way to die. messy but cool.

a friend of mine swallowed a bunch of panadols, she was waging war with her mom. sent to the hospitals, pumped up her stomach. her parents worried sick by her side. just the way she wanted it. when her mom asked her why she did, how cud u do smthin like that. she said she was hungry. so she ate what she had. panadols.

committing it. this is the real deal. the big kahuna. the mentally disturbed. in my views, u wud only have the guts to do it if the act results in sparing urself from some demon on your tails. this is the mother of selfish act. dont tell me ur committing suicide to spare ur family frens lovers world from the likes of u. the world is a better place without u, u concluded. thats complete bullshit. ur selfish. n thats it. ur saving ur own ass, and thats it. dont go martyr-ized on me.

ur tellin me ur feeling like slitting ur wrist coz u cant stand the fights with ur family lover frens etc, ill put on my sympathy face but i wont buy ur shit. ur telling me ur wana take ur own life cause uh, u got a bun in ur oven, that, ill believe u. it'll save YOU all the trouble in the world. by being dead.

the only reason u'd be able to take a razor, press it down, hard, onto the veins of ur wrist, till the first speck of blood appear, press harder, slowly cutting ur flesh, sideways, till the razor touch ur bone, stretch it, is that ur mentally -disturbed self-centered shallowed cowardice. thats it.

attempting it. u r an attention seeker. u seek attention. u crave attention. ur tryin to tell one to change one's perspective towards u. ur tellin the world to stop doing whatever their doing to u. u swallowed the pills, dropped on the floor and hoping that that 'particular' someone would find you.

or u just plain bored n got nothin else to do. by doing this u think, u'll belong to the rare, specially carved, deeply troubled, artistic, mysterious, intriguing label. pathetic, yes. cool? no.

contemplating it. who hasnt? u'r neck deep in trouble. ur tired of seeing ur life being run about. u felt like u hve no purpose in life.

but ur not the only one.
they r others. exactly like u.

even ive done some contemplating myself. i aint telling u why. u had urs n i had mine.
standing on the 13th floor balcony, nothing between me and the hard concrete floor below, dive in head first into the air, to feel the adrenaline, to feel the rushin wind, piercing thru my skin, gushin past me, carrying away my burdens towards heaven,.....yeah. all i need to do is lift up both my feet. oh so easy.

bt i wont do it. not in million years.
n i know u wont too.

my fren i was telling u about, she had 12 panadols in total at that time. but she only 'ate' the safe 8. go figure.

Fancy Spancy.

hate is such a strong word. it is. i dont have that in me. never had.

but, if u wana know how hate feels like, or, if any or u readers discovered that u have hate anger loathe boiling inside u, n u dont know what to do with it, not entirely sure where to channel it, spare ur boyfrens/ gfrens /lil bro-sis /cats, and do this :

look to your left, on the computer screen, u'll see a picture of a half-hidden ass. focus ur eyes a bit lower ull see LINKS.
look for robert-goddamn-spencer. and click there. (sorry i dunno how to do ur fancy click here link)

read it. google it. pity it. do what u want with it. if u had time, go read it's book.

but if u hvnt have a strong enough faith, i strongly suggest u not to look too much into it.

i just thought id share this with u.

Saya Dan Aku.

tetiba aku nak menulis.

semalam adalah hari suwey. bermula dengan kelaparan dan kebosanan yang amat. tiada kelas lagi. tetiba je sudah pukl 630 petang. bersiap untuk ke bazaar menaiki kereta sue. sue kate nak angkut ktorang sume. tapi, katenye secara tiba2 ketika jam da mncecah 645pm, ada seorang jantan (dekwan) ajak dia buke. sesukati dia je la g makan ngn dekwan meninggalkan we all. mntang2 dekwan da jadi presiden pmukm. sangat x bertimbangrasa. yan da nak mnangis sakit hati.

smenanye aku x kesah sangat. aku tak teruja pon nk kuar ngn sue tu. besides i got my own car.

g kat keta. keta aku xleh start lak. dipendekkan cerita(aka malas nak cerita), aku kene call shabir gak la mintak tolong jumpstart. mamat2 burhan yang mengelilingi kereta aku sume xbley dharap. mengelilingi kereta aku je tau. atau maybe diorang lapar n bergegas nk g berbuka puasa, so tanak tolong aku. ces.

oh. haritu aku ada isu untuk ditimbulkan ketika perbincangan d bilik nadia. iaitu isu 'aku-kau dan i-u'. heheh.
isu ini berkaitan dengan, mengapa orang yang selalu membahasakan dirinya 'aku' terpaksa mngalah dan cakap 'i' dgn orang yg membaha(n so on)? kenapa tidak d other way 'round?

smenanye isu ini mmg bodo dan takde kene mengena. tetapi agak melucukan, kerana tetiba fara membahasakan dirinya 'aku' ketika mahu membelok ke dalam parking alamanda. haha sgt pelik.

aku juga pernah cube ber'aku-kau' dgn shabir. terasa seperti sedang bergado dan mahu menampar one another.
ganas rasenya.

ok kawan2.
hari ini saya berbuka d cyber lagi gamaknye.

sekian.salam.

Caution.

i am in a dreadful mood. so its saturday morning and im alone.

i was dragged into this raging mood by my mother. had the hugest row with her this morning. got me thinking what a mother really wants. im not gettin into details, coz if i am id be picturing her as a --, yeah, in public views. so i better zip it. me n me mom, we're best of pals. but there are days when when im Palestine n she's Israel. or the other way 'round. reconciliation is imaginary.

i got so mad, pissed, felt unappreciated, injusticed, fucked over and damn guilty i reached for a fag n forgot i was fasting.
well.

what is ur excuse for fasting, anyway, when u pray less than two times a day, or worse yet, dont even bother to get ur ass up and fullfill a simple obligation to your Merciful God.
or when u speak to your biological mother, where heaven is planted right under her holy feat, like u are in the middle of Wall Street of New York handling stock market.
or when u lay ur eyes on ur father n u feel repulsed. and despair.
or the fact that uve share a bed with, on the last count, 25000000 of the opposite sex.

get ur priorities straight for pete's sake.

(dont get me wrong. i fast. i fast all the time. i dont skip it for fun. but i am weak at the hands of temptations.)

or what about, u spent the night with ur boyfriend, fornicate till his c**k turned blue till u couldnt walk straight till ur voice became hoarse till u ur down under became as big as Down Under or big as the arial view of Hazwan's new girlfren's thighs till u scream with earthly pleasure n said ive had enuff stop it already im swollen u prick!!

and still, at 6am u obediently woke up and performed subuh.

where does that put you? do the sin and the pahala cancel each other out?so its back to nil?

do you adopt the im-21-im-still-young-i-can-drink-f**k-jiggy-till-im-forty attitude, or do you practise from now on, up n down up n down u go on the prayer mat because your mommy daddy granny auntie tell u to n keep watchful eyes on you, their hands holding whips, their mouth half-open ready to nag? or because everyone else is doin it n its not that hard whatever it means. or u do i coz its exercise it keeps ur thighs slim n it only takes 10 minutes of ur time? or do you wait for the nur, the lights, the ones that will guide u home, open ur heart, knock u in the head n make u realise that life is temporary, a test, a joyful test if u know how to, n u dont have much time coz in any minute a harmless stingray is gonna whip his barb at u right in ur heart,-bullseye- n ur dead.

i am patiently rooting for the light cause i hate exercise n my momi n dodi are busy little bees.
oh no im not pointing fingers. i believe in err, self-believe. the real reason is im ignorantly stupid. its as simple as it gets.

in skolah agama i received awards every year for highest marks. so by law, i should know a thing or two.
as they say, stupid is as stupid gets. heh~

i belong in none of 'em categories, and yet to all of them.
and realise ive got a lot, a lot, a plethora of knowledge, to learn.
so help me God.

hmm.now that ive calmed down, i forgot my real intention of writing this or how i came to this. im feelin immature.
so ill stop.

ps: momi im s***y.

Indulgence.

-WRITER'S BLOCK-

fuck.

ScrabbleMyBehind~

i need to learn how to really master scrabble. cause i suck at it. my vanity is bruised beyond repair. my best word was, get this -- 'NOVA'....fuck it.

i cant believe it still buggin me 'till now.

i demand a rematch!

babe i hope ur stomach is gettin better.

I Wana Be A Hippie.

#scene 1
......
shabir bear: You remind me of my ex-girlfriend. . . my DEAD ex-girlfriend!
shabir bear: upss
shabir bear: wrong thing
ainnurrahela: tamo audibles dah
ainnurrahela: babe
ainnurrahela: mere tum se pyar he
ainnurrahela: is not i love u in hindi la
ainnurrahela: or urdu
shabir bear: owh yer ker
ainnurrahela: ive checked
shabir bear: then
shabir bear: Arrr! Your booty shivers me timbers
ainnurrahela: ey tanak audibles la
ainnurrahela: pehal u ni
ainnurrahela: susah sgt ke xtekan audibles tu?
shabir bear: susah gler babe
shabir bear: nganga
shabir bear: babe
ainnurrahela: hmm
shabir bear: in ur blog u tulis u nak tgk porn n watched a mobie that was about sex
shabir bear: nice
ainnurrahela: read again la
ainnurrahela: it wasnt about that
shabir bear: y?
ainnurrahela: it was about sundance movie festival
shabir bear: owh
shabir bear: i know
ainnurrahela: dont think bad bout me all the time la
shabir bear: it was about the movie
ainnurrahela: so?
shabir bear: so i wanna watch the mobie
shabir bear: nganga
shabir bear: babe
shabir bear: what u doing?
BUZZ!!!
shabir bear: wah bz chatting dgn org laen ya
ainnurrahela: nothin
ainnurrahela: ill gve u later
ainnurrahela: dont think bad bout me all the time la
ainnurrahela: im sick of it
shabir bear: ok2
shabir bear: i wont think of u at all
shabir bear: i am trying to love u as much as posible
shabir bear: what ever la
ainnurrahela: wat ever wat??
shabir bear: fine i wont disturb u anymore
shabir bear: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ainnurrahela: what?
ainnurrahela: y all o the sudden?
BUZZ!!!
shabir bear: coz ur sick of it
ainnurrahela: im sick of ur thinkin bad about me
ainnurrahela: and yes, the audibles too
ainnurrahela: lain2 im not sick of
ainnurrahela: dfinitely not u
shabir bear: thats how i express i love u
shabir bear: everybody has their difference
ainnurrahela: how?
ainnurrahela: thinkin bad bout me?
ainnurrahela: or the audibles?
shabir bear: thinkin bad bout u
ainnurrahela: oh
shabir bear: ur sick of that rite
ainnurrahela: yes.very
ainnurrahela: who wouldnt
shabir bear: ok
shabir bear: u know i was pissed off yesterday when we went to watch the movie
ainnurrahela: y?
shabir bear: coz ****** ***** * *****.
ainnurrahela: ok
shabir bear: ok jer ??
ainnurrahela: but i am tired of ***** ***.
shabir bear: i know u r
ainnurrahela: i need to get it uot of my chest
shabir bear: then u teese me about ****** u should have left me years before
ainnurrahela: i was telling the truth
ainnurrahela: but i fell in love
ainnurrahela: with u
ainnurrahela: even tho *****.
ainnurrahela: doesnt that mean anything to you?
shabir bear: that was a joke at the wrong time
ainnurrahela: i didnt leave u didnt i
ainnurrahela: or ******?
ainnurrahela: all i did was whine everynow n then
ainnurrahela: i wasnt joking at that time
shabir bear: u mean u really wanted to leave me coz of that?
shabir bear: that is sick la
ainnurrahela: that was b4 i fell in love
shabir bear: but its still sick
ainnurrahela: so?
ainnurrahela: u want me to lie n say i dont mind?
ainnurrahela: fine.
ainnurrahela: i dont mind
ainnurrahela: happy?
shabir bear: i dint know ur a (very offensive word)
ainnurrahela: fuck u
ainnurrahela: if iam iwill no longer b with u
shabir bear: fuck u back
ainnurrahela: uve known me 4 2yrs what the fuck r u playin at?
ainnurrahela: im just whining n telling u how i feel
shabir bear: but it was at the wrong timing
ainnurrahela: u hurt my feelings
shabir bear: u hurt mine too
ainnurrahela: i dont give a fuck about timing
shabir bear: but u dint do anyting
ainnurrahela: do what?!
ainnurrahela: pujuk u?
ainnurrahela: i felt that u hve to kno the truth thats y i x pujuk u
ainnurrahela: u want me to lie ke?
ainnurrahela: n pretend everythings fine?
ainnurrahela: thats the way u wana be ke?
ainnurrahela: u picked the wrong girl la
shabir bear: yup
shabir bear: u dont give a fuck about timing?
shabir bear: means u dont give a fuck bout me is it
ainnurrahela: i said i dont gve a fuck about timing.
shabir bear: what!!!!
shabir bear: thats a lame excuse la
shabir bear: the timing is important, so that u dont hurt my feelings
ainnurrahela: fine.im sorry
ainnurrahela: take ur damn timing with u.
shabir bear: what the fuck is wrong with u
shabir bear: u dah cam tak kisah bout me now
ainnurrahela: i juz wana tell the truth
ainnurrahela: ur too afraid to face one
shabir bear: guess i am
shabir bear: coz i love u
ainnurrahela: i love u too
ainnurrahela: but im tellin the truth whether u like it or not
shabir bear: thankz for telling me the truth
shabir bear: but then pujuk la aku
shabir bear: sakit hati gler
ainnurrahela: i did try
ainnurrahela: u buzz me off
shabir bear: no u dint
ainnurrahela: i did in 7e
shabir bear: no u dint
ainnurrahela: i did too
shabir bear: thats all
shabir bear: sekali jer
ainnurrahela: then i left u alone so u can think
ainnurrahela: i knew u gona throw this back at me
shabir bear: i dint need thinking
shabir bear: i needed u
ainnurrahela: babe...

#scene 2

ainnurrahela: how the fuck am i suppose to sleep now
shabir bear: what the fuck
shabir bear: would u stop saying fuck
BUZZ!!!
shabir bear: u buat ape tu?
ainnurrahela: if u dun wana say it dont say it la !
ainnurrahela: dont say it coz i say it
ainnurrahela: im writing a blog
ainnurrahela: about this
shabir bear: write about this?
shabir bear: and let people know were r fighting?
ainnurrahela: yes
ainnurrahela: got a problem with that?
ainnurrahela: imna turn rhis all into a joke
ainnurrahela: but if uve got problem i wont do it

he didnt hve any problem with this. we made up like hell afterwards. aum.

the reason i posted this is..none.i dont need reason do i?

welcome 2nd anniversary!!

Cognac With A Sounding 'g'.

skarang pukol 11pm. ari khamis. aku dlm bilek.

tetibe je nak tulis dlm bahasa melayu.

efa tgh bace da vinci code. stelah dipakse. aku tpakse memakse die supaye suke membaca buku. dengan cara itu aku akan mempunyai kawan rapat yang suke membaca dan berkongsi idea. aku cube mem buzz beberape rakan2 di yahoo messenger tetapi dipinggirkan. terasa seperti pengalah (loser) sebentar.

aku juga sedang lapar. begitu juge efa. dia cume berpura2 tidak lapar.
menyesal pula tidak mengikut nadia ber'dinner'an sempena birthday uncle nadzri.
kalo x bley mkn seafood.

hah~laparnye.

uh ade org mmbalas buzz aku.
jadi...

sekian.

WalkenForPresident 2008.

Semalam i met this guy. Christopher Walken. the actor who danced in Fatboy Slim Weapon of Choice music video. and previosly appeared in Click.

ok i didnt exactly met him. i met sumone who looked like him. seriously the resemblance is uncanny. rambut la laen sket.

i went to his house in ampang with shabir. supposedly a quick visit. just to pick up my mom and chow. but we were stuck there for 2hours. had milo with this man. he's a lecturer wuddaya expect? he was a former head judge of mahkamah syariah too.

dia bukak cite. as usual about studies. he told us he was under Eisenhower Scholarship and studied in the US. wah. i thought that kind of scholarship only exists in hollywood movies (thats how farfetch i am from it). he instantly became my hero.

and of course, politics. he was looking at shabir and his 2 o'clock shadow beard and said, " it must be difficult for u to get into the US." hehe shabir tesengih n buat muke tak puas ati.
"that's why la..they should lift up the security a lil' bit. its unfair to label all muslim as terrorists. this is injustice! "kate shabir dgn bsemangatnye.

but my uncle said the americans are not to be blamed. i mean about tightening the security. he said that 9/11 was the first time, ever, theyve been phsically attacked. their previous attack was only attempted by the Red Indian. and that was centuries ago. "so its only natural for them to act this way," he said.

at one point he was praising osama, but im not saying about what.

we are all americanised, he said. look at ur tshirt and ur hair, he pointed at shabir. pakistanis dont wear tshirts like that. and you,(me?) ur hair, org melayu dulu2 buat siput je kat rambut..even i, he raised his fork n knife (he was eating pizza), even im eating pizza! heh heh. hehe i and shabir laugh along. ingat nak kene marah tadi.

hmm, so..
dia ckp american conquer us thru culture.(we all knew that)

n that thruout history(catholic vs protestant war) christian lagi ganass dr islam.(i knew that)

and jews are the most hardworkin and humble donkeys.we should follow their work ethics.(hmm ok)

and that dia kawen ngn wife baru dia mas kawen rm280k x kuar brite pon.(i did not kno that)<---we were talkin bout malay latest obsession.

what i dint know is, there's a law in malaysia saying a malay cannot convert into other religion (legally), without denouncing his/her a malay. kire kalo xmo jadi islam xbley jd melayu la. tu je.

xde keje nye we all nak potong kepala budak2 tu,kate pakcik-ku.

kalo xjd melayu xdpt la privileges org melayu yg belambak kt malaysia ni. unless u gonna migrate overseas.

ramai gak yg xjd murtad pas dgr ni, my uncle said.
cess.

n malaysia is the 1st country in the world to have this law in our constitution. hmm. then israel copied us, i think. thats why u can only be a jew to be an israelite.

most of the facts up there i already knew (but not in details) thru watchin movies. hollywood movies. so could 'americanisation' be a good thing?

and yes i know the answer.

To : Shabir.

had breakfast with shabir. i was in a bad mood for multiple, repetitive reasons but none caused by him. but he was there, and always is. it has been almost 2 years, and i never said this to him, for i know how it wud make him feel, but i said it this morning.
leave me alone.

i apologize babe.aum.

Pepsi. But Tasted Like Beer.

i have 3 pages left before i finish The Black Album. sigh~. im'na delay readin it coz i hvnt found a substitute yet. maybe i should borrow a book from, lets say, amar?agaga.

i couldnt sleep yesteday nite. so i watched a movie. ive been meanin to watch that movie about fidel castro but couldnt find the dvd. but last nite i came across this vcd entitled 9 Songs. the cover showed that this movie has won awards at the prestigios Sundance and Toronto film festival. that peaked my interest.

my rumates were asleep. efa was asleep. i clicked play. started off with a singing rock band. followed by a couple making love. and it was very, very visually unsencored. and loud too (i had trouble slowing the voice down).then another rock band started playing again. followed, again, by that same couple makin love.diferent position this time. the cycle went on and on till the end of the movie. and thats it. i can count the dialogues with my fingers. wtf.

so my point is. do movies which include lots of display of penises and vagina, and a with a little of life's dilemma and 'morality' thrown into them, guaranteed a Jury Selection Awards at Sundance? so they're considered an art film, because the director was using sex, as a tool to depict the protagonist relationship with his girlfriend as it unfolds, and rock concerts, to represent the timelines. it was smoothly told but, at times i did feel like watchin porn. oh my eyes! another thing. the line up of rock bands includes Franz Ferdinand, Primal Scream and The von Bondies. (i dont recognize the other 6 bands)

artsy-fartsy. that reminds me of a particular episode of Southpark. A film festival was held there, and Cartman, Kyle, Kenny and (i forgot the other one's name) sneaked ino the cinema to watch one of the art film that was nominated. it was about gay fucking each other and lesbian in prisons. haha. that was cynical. and way before Ang Lee's commercialized Brokeback Mountain too.

and yep. Pepsi that tasted like beer. drank it last nite and 'ask for more'. (efa got drunk and stripped naked with akak fpi hehe) got it from our futsal hamper. nope, not expired yet. efa checked the date. not exactly like beer more like smell like one. not that i kno how beer tasted like~ oho.

tomorrow. front page of of Kosmo!. 'Pepsi Berperisa Arak'.nantikan.

this should put jenglot out of the headlines.

An Atheist, A Blasphemer, and A Pervert.

monday 12.10am.
havin monday blues. no class until 4pm. my body ache all over from futsal yesterday. we came in 2nd (yippee!) tapi ntah mane hampernye tak nampak lagi.

my body fat percentage : definitely on the rising. went to faris yesterday for dinner. lori dewan bandaraya was still at its stationary place for weeks, so we ate inside, where it was cramped like hell. dinner with shabir, nadia n walah. kire nowadays i met nadia only for her to see me stuffing greasy food into my mouth la. nadia poked around my bulging stomach. jesus mother of moses! the bulge wasnt supppose to be there. it was efa's jeans im wearing. its too tight. there u go. that should justify my denial. hoho.

ok im almost finish with the book im reading The Black Album by Hanif Kureishi. i particularly like this scene in the bathroom, where deedee (shahid's lecturer-girlfriend) was harassing shahid, pressuring him to admit that he's an atheist, a blasphemer and a pervert, while his pants are around his knees and and his dick in deedee's hand. that was intense, but shahid prevails, i know he would. another part : shahid's sister in-law wanted to slap him because she suspected him to have started praying and visiting the mosque. it was disturbing, but hillarious, the way its written is fill with dry wit. i never read a character as sweet and as confusingly tormented like shahid. a paki-boy who cant stand the thought of fucking an asian girl. but he comes along with his religious friends, defending abused muslims around essex in london, and retired to nights of drugs, alcohol and sex. enjoys both heineken and lemon vodka, and the soothing, cool feeling of a mosque. he names his book, the one he's workin on, The Prayer-mat of The Flesh. all this n u ant help but rooting or shahid, for the way he is innocently portrayed.

u cant help but feel related in some way with shahid, can ya?

oh. another thing. in this book, thre is this scene where they were discussing the iranian's fatwah. the one about killing the author. hanif kureishi did his best not to mention rushdie's name, intentionally, but he did mention Midnight's Children. a dead giveaway. cheeky guy, that kureishi is. are all muslim (name) writers like this? shahid with his heart undecided, joined his muslim friends burning a copy of the book, but didnt cheer.

oh n i dint imagine him looking like like Prince no more. Now he looks like a younger n cuter Michael Corleone from The Godfather. smoother-featured al pacino in college.

very, very interesting read.

i am bored. juz got back from havin a chat with fafa. sha's a bullet train when it comes to talking. ah now i realised how i missed her. wish her mom wud take back her car so that she wont be going home so much.

ive started a new book. The Black Book by Hanif Kureishi. had it in my possession for quite sometime but only started reading it. the story is simple, but difficult to grasp its meaning. but i like how the dialogue sparkles with a dry, angry wit.

The story is set in the London of 1989, the year the Berlin Wall came down and the year of the fatwah, its a thriller with a background of raves, ecstacy, religious ferment and sexual passion..like i know anything bout fatwah and the Berlin Wall(all i kno is its not separating east n west germany anymo). what the hell does it have anything to do with Shahid ?( the main character who falls in love with his own lecturer)

i imagined Shahid to look like Prince.

its a delightful read.

Speedzone with Heels.

the other day shabir and i went shoppin for his sister's delayed wedding present. not knowing nina enough to know what to get her, ive decided on a lame gift for newlyweds, a frame. shabir wanted something to show that he's eager for a niece/nephew so we bought a pair of baby stocking as well.

so shabir went to que up at the cashier. i went somewhere looking for cards. then it was his turn to pay.

cashier #1 : (saying to his fellow cashier, loudly) Ape kene mengene frame ngan stokin, dowh?
cashier#2 : A'ah, pekebenda ntah dia ni.
cashier#1 : Aku rase frame ni untuk awek dia kot. stokin ntok anak sedara.

Shabir, right in front or 'em, perfectly within hearing distance.

The two cashiers finished packing, turned to shabir. the wrapping counter is over there,sir kate salah seorang daripada mereka.

Shabir pon kate,Oh kat sane eh?time kaseh.

Those 2 ignorant idiots wrapped in morons were dumbfounded.

This is just of the many situations. but im not'na tell 'em all and not on shabir's side. as a matter of fact, i am pissed. with shabir (yeah you babe). ok maybe not shabir, but his deary mommy, Puan Syakila.(oh sorry for the abrupt change of story.im suddenly pissed).

Ive met her in person, shook her oh so graceful pakistan hands, even kissed it, smelled my best smell and smile my most captivating smile.

and the said person wouldnt even looked at me.

u see she's not against malays. she's friends with malays, speaks malay, read n write malay. she's definitely not a racist( i sure hope so). but oh no. no,no,no,no,no. no malays are to marry any of her children. nehi nehi not in my family.

Ive been with shabir for almost 2 years. so this is a really good news for me. mighty good.

what is the matter with malays?(bsides the obvious ones) why wudnt puan syakila own us as a family?does she know she's livin in malay soils for god sakes. why live with malay if u dont really approved of 'em? why let shabir drive an iswara and not some pakistani-made car? why put 'g' in bolognese if ur not gonna pronounce it?

oh no im not here to idolize and demonstrate malay goodness or tell another 'amani' story. let amar do that. this isnt bout race. no this is personal. im waging war. im waging war against my boyfriend's mother.

allrite, im exaggerating. and i know all the answer to all the why's im just being ignorant (like she is to his son's feelings!). i wudnt call it a war coz if it is, im the sore loser hands down. im the one who stays with shabir until now. im the one who's willing to let my years wasted to face uncertainties. dont get me wrong im not talking bout tying the knot. that is not gona happen for a veeeeeeeeeery long time. not with shabir. (but i do like to tease him just to see him sweat). but to put ur pakistan-self over my-malay-self is intolerable. to know there isn't even a tiny marginal space for myself to squeeze amid those hairy beings (sorry syg if ur reading this i do love ur hair they tickle me i like to be tickled) is unfathomable and definitely unsatisfying.

i started to sound grumpy here. its not like i hate his mother. thats a strong word. how cud anybody hate a mother, the one who gave birth to the man i love. yes i love that tall giant. that Big Friendly Giant with devastatingly handsome feature. i may have doubts, (plenty of doubts), advices against him, jeers, fights, misunderstanding, lied, cheated, my heart broken, broken his heart (big time,sori babe) and felt bored and unsatisfied, but who hasnt. we all live with it. n seriously ive never met anybody quite like him. i will not start describing shabir for public viewing coz he's all mine and im keeping it that way. i may look like a midget walking beside him, we have the classic case of misfit, but who'd care if i dont.

so im'na continue taking chances.


ps : this wasnt what im goin to write about in the 1st place. i was gonna write about this really tall guy, ( taller than shabir,yay!), ezrina and a pill-ladened guy and this chubby couple grinding their sweaty asses off at speedzone. they look like two huge, slimy jellybeans. what i sight i tell u. i, shabir, ezrina, apek, n some other guys, we had a blast. where the hell were you guys?
and whatever happen to that story?

'Tataglia' With a Sounding 'g'.

so.
havent been here in awhile. having the same dilemma as alia. type and delete. type and delete.

type and delete.

how the hell are u suppose to write to ur hearts content, while makin sure u havent touch nobody's sore spot? or mistakenly pouring out ur guilty pleasures? how do one become ignorantly bliss? or blissfully ignorant? somebody, do teach me.


saturday.speedzone,with slippers.

efa sangat bersetuju

hari ini efa (sangat) bersetuju untuk bekerjasame menulis blog bersama aku.

setelah memikirkan ape untuk ditulis, we decided to kutuk rico.(sorry rico we had to).

ainnur : so efa ape nak tulis?
efa : bley ke? nanti rico mara...tanak kawan ngn kite da...
ainnur : takpe. dr. bad maseh ada.
efa : ya allah. kene buang lak kite dari kolej ni.
ainnur : takpe. dr. kaderi maseh ada.

so merdeka eve. the curve. bersama rakan2.

ainnur : efa! ko nak g mane?! aku nak type dah ni!
efa : .......
(efa kluar dari bilik.)

so i'll continue later.

Introducing : Our Future Primer.

you know that saying 'behind every succesful man there's a woman'? well i think we should start saying something else.

behind every succesful, powerful man, there's another succesful, powerful, conniving, manipulating, goddamn billionaire, savvy, strict, invisible, invincible, well-connected, well-spoken, very well-educated, well-pimped, well-trimmed, well-organized, never-wavered, horny, heartless, selfish, equipped with big-fragranced-assed (ready to be kiss at any time), donmafiaesque, tax-freed, greedy, lucky, painfully intelligent, economically trained, persistently patience, patiently persistent, occasionally rough, unknowingly exist and definitely JEWISH man with a bigger dick.

i bet my stubby fingers he thinks he's god.




ps: yang cite khairy tgn patah aritu sbb kene blasah ngn Pak Lah tu btol ke?

Bolognese With a Sounding 'g'

now.ma previous blog had arisen some blank faces..due to unignored and asphyxiating demands by my readers (on the last count, a staggering amount of 3 readers ), i feel i am obliged to do some explaination.

dr fidel castro was the communist president of the claimed socialist republic of Cuba. fidel has recently been my hero, but he led a communist goverment so i ought to keep it my afection towards him low, for fear of offending the arguably rising malay sentiment (xcaye tgk page amar) . its not his communist occupation that i adore (god no), its his way with words and his nonchalant wits and his rebellious attitude.

i've been putting tags on fidel only recently, since its only natural (as history shows), that u would notice sumone's talent even more (or just) when sumone is either sick, dying, or dead.
fidel has been undergoing major heart surgery and has stepped down from the throne of president. he is 75 years old. his successor, raul castro, his slightly stockier and ugly brother, is 73. haih.

fidel and hugo chavez is among to of the most vocal challenger of the united states in latin america..(hugo chavez is president of Venezuela, he's coming to malaysia as we i speak). both of 'em are known friends.

the situation of my previous blog was inspired by an article in the star, about hugo visiting fidel in the hospital. and when two of its opponents met up n looking all affectionate, the enemy must have felt the heat. but as most superpower nations and egoistic men, worries (frowning eyebrows) portray weakness. its best to deny it and work with it from within.area 51, anyone?

i got a lot mo to say but i wont. wont pretend i know it all, neither, coz i dont.

naive

no la im not naive. juz this one time. this was what trigger my naive-..ity.

on ma way home 4 da weekend i received an sms yang berbunyik begini :

TAHNIAH! simcard anda telah memenangi cek tunai sebanyak rm.9000 dari AFM (akademi fantasia4). sila hubungi no sekian2 utk menuntut hadiah anda.(or something like that)

so anybody with a rite mind would immediately know its a scam by some scam-bags.coz, 1st, i dont watch academy fantasia 4,nvr voted for 1. 2nd, the sekian2 no was an international no(starts with 006--)3rd, it wrote rm.9000-9posen ke pe? and 4th-

ah.tetibe rase malas nak tulis.caner amar bley tulis pepanjang??

the end of ma story is, well am i a rm9000 richer? maleh r. bukan ada orang bace pon.

ps:this is a real story btw.

yoghurt

"An Unforgettable Evening Between Two Brothers."

one evening. hospital bed. hugo came in. hugo brought historical dagger, fidel gave him a self-portrait.

hugo : i was painting a portrait of u. but u have difficult nose. u should have plastic surgery.

fidel : what? more surgery?

hugo and fidel laughed. back clapping and hugging. and eating what appeared to be yoghurt.

hugo : by the way, how's raul?

fidel : dandy. just dandy.

laughed again. every bit of brotherly love shone through.

Meanwhile in The Land Of Droppurtunities..

men in suit : is that one of those cheesy Photoshop picture again?

hahaha.derisive laughs followed.

but with frowning eyebrows.

fidel

you are hiding truths from me, in order not to worry me, but when i finally discover them i will die from the impact of having to confront so many truths i have not been told.